I am not SFizzle
I took her computer machine. I am learning to use it. You see, I am a saucepan. Here, I’ll show you (I took a Selfie)
Today, SFizzle used me.
I am here to complain, because SFizzle has objectified me (ie. treated me like an object)
First, she dragged me from my comfortable private cupboard, without even asking. I was in the middle of a private waltz routine, which was very rudely interrupted.
I was placed on a burning stove, and was forced to endure embarrassment and unwarranted heat…just so SFizzle could melt her 140g of butter and 200g chocolate. The only thing I can say for her is that she did let me cool down a bit after.
She found and mixed in 1 cup sugar, 2 tsp vanilla, and literally rubbed salt into the wound.
One by one, like she was relishing my pain, she broke 2 eggs and 2 egg yolks into me. All that gross, slimy, yellow goo, dumped inside and beaten.
She went ahead and added 2/3 cup flour, too. The indignity.
Did I even get a sorry? No. Nothing. Not even a pitying look. It was as if she didn’t even register that a saucepan might have feelings.
I watched, seething (I was still a bit hot from the stove), as she mixed everything, then went and got out yet another poor soul. Pyrex Dish.
Pyrex Dish was coated in butter (on the inside, no less) and the batter was dumped into him. Pyrex Dish tragically had to endure 175C for 25-35 min in the burning hot oven.
Then she licked me.
She licked me.
Not directly, but she used her grubby little hand to scoop out her precious chocolate goo, licked her fingers like some kind of savage, then put her fingers back for more. Disgusting.
She ate the Fudgy Brownies she made. I heard her say something about it being the ‘perfect texture’, and ‘delicious’, and ‘almost melty and batter-like even though it was fully cooked’. She had the audacity to eat it in front of me, grabbing poor bowl out of its comfortable drawer, adding freezing cold vanilla ice cream, saying it provided a ‘nice contrast of temperatures’. What cruelty.
The indignity of giving us showers after everything was said and done makes everything all the more patronizing. My silence can no longer be born. Today, I take a stand. I take a stand for justice, of not just me, not just saucepans, but all utensils in this universe. Be warned, SFizzle and all you utensil-using people out there. My cry will be heard. This is only the beginning of change. Of revolution. You have not heard the last of us.